Time to Think
by Crittab
Summary: Harm and Mac finally confess their feelings, but it has life altering consequenses. Mac get's transferred out of JAG, and Harm is left to deal with the reprecussions.


Disclaimer: I don't own JAG, but I do own the story line, completely.  
  
Summary: This is a very short little ficlet of how I think Harm and Mac will finally tell each other how they feel. Enjoy.  
  
Harm and Mac were sitting in Harm's apartment in utter silence. Neither wanted to say anything for fear of hurting each other by yelling, or being hurt.  
  
Mac had come over for dinner, an event, which hadn't happened in far too long for both of their tastes. Mac had suggested it, but the reason was different from what Harm was led to believe. Instead of the two friends playful banter and conversation about work, he was in store for a potentially life altering night.  
  
Mac had asked for a transfer to Quantico.  
  
Harm sat, contemplating what to do next. They had spent much of the night yelling at each other over the fact, and now he was too exhausted and upset to say much of anything. Mac was the first to break the silence.  
  
"Talk to me, Harm," She pleaded. He looked up at her. His blue orbs were dark and solemn. She could see in them his despair  
  
"Why?" He asked quietly.  
  
"Because I need to know what your thinking."  
  
"I'm thinking, I just lost my best friend," He said. He looked down at his hands and fought back the hot tears, which stung his eyes.  
  
"Harm, I told you before and I'll tell you again, you're never going to lose me," Mac pleaded with him to understand. He looked up at her, his gaze meeting hers.  
  
"I already have," He said. He dropped his gaze again. Mac hesitated before responding.  
  
"This is hard on me too, Harm," She said, immediately kicking herself for her poor choice in words. His fiery gaze caught hers. Anger welled in him.  
  
'This was all your decision Mac. If it's so hard on you why the hell would you do it?" He asked. His voice rose again.  
  
"Because I need to get away," Mac said, matching his tone.  
  
"Away form what, Mac? Work? Home? Me?" He asked, his voice never lowered.  
  
"No!"  
  
"Then what Mac, why the hell are you always so god damn cryptic with me?"  
  
"Why are you being so difficult?"  
  
"Because the woman I'm in love with is leaving," He yelled. He hadn't even realized he said it. Mac's furious face contorted into a sad one.  
  
"What?" She asked, in a whisper. He yelled again.  
  
"I said because the woman I'm in love with-" He stopped suddenly realizing what he said. Contemplating it quickly, he continued, his voice soft, matching her whisper.  
  
"The woman I'm in love with is leaving," He said. He stared into her eyes as he said this.  
  
"Who is she, Harm?" Mac asked, still not believing the words he had just spoken.  
  
"You, Sarah," He said in a pained whisper.  
  
"Why did it take so long?"  
  
"Because sometimes it takes losing something to realize what was right in front of you the whole time," he said.  
  
"I'm cryptic?" She asked. Despite the circumstances, she smiled.  
  
"You were always there, and now I'm losing you, and I cant do anything to stop it but pray," he said. A tear fell out of his eye. Mac wiped it away.  
  
"I'm sorry, Harm," She whispered. She turned and walked towards the door.  
  
"Mac," He said. She turned and looked at him, holding back her own tears.  
  
"Do you love me?" He asked, his voice cracked.  
  
"You know the answer to that."  
  
"I need to hear it from you."  
  
"Yes," She said.  
  
"Say the words," he begged.  
  
"I love you," She whispered, just loud enough for him to hear.  
  
"Then why are you still leaving?"  
  
"Because I need to clear my head. I need to get away from you, to find out why I love you," She said.  
  
"Are you coming back?"  
  
"Someday."  
  
"I'll wait for you until forever ends," He said, his voice cracked again. He fought back the sobs, which threatened to overwhelm him.  
  
"Don't, Harm. I want you to be happy," She said simply.  
  
"I wont be happy unless I'm with you, Sarah," He said. She smiled sadly.  
  
"Goodbye, Harm," She said. She got to the door and turned.  
  
"I think it will be easier if you don't follow me. Bye," She said. She turned and left the apartment closing the door with a quiet click behind her.  
  
"For now," he whispered. He walked to his window just in time to see her pull out of the parking lot and drive away.  
  
He walked into his bedroom and collapsed onto the bed. He stared up at the ceiling and prayed, as he told Mac he would.  
  
"God, I don't know if you can hear me, but I need you now. Please bring Sarah back to me; I love her with my heart and my soul. Please keep her safe wherever she goes and don't let her forget me. Amen," He said. Silent tears fell down his already wet cheeks. He didn't move from his position, he was too forlorn to move even to change out of his uniform. He fell asleep in his place, on the bed. Alone.  
  
Harm walked into JAG headquarters and straight to his office. He ignored every ones good mornings, as he had for the prior two weeks.  
  
He sat at his desk and took out a folder from the pile on his desk. When he opened it the words were blurry, he couldn't force himself to comprehend what he was reading. He was brought out of his misery by a knock at the door.  
  
"Enter," he said. He tried to sound normal, but his voice betrayed him. A very pregnant Harriet Simms came in.  
  
"Sir, can I close the door?" She asked. Harm nodded, no longer trusting his voice. Harriet sat down in front of him, and locked their eyes, blue on blue.  
  
"Harm, I know Mac being gone is hard for you, but you need to concentrate. You have been walking around in a daze for far too long. Please, just come out of it," She pleaded. Harm was too upset to notice the lack of military courtesy. He looked into Harriet's eyes as they pleaded with him.  
  
Somewhere inside of him a dam broke and his emotions took over.  
  
"I need help Harriet," Was all he said. Anger, fear and Utter misery filled him. Tears again welled in his crystal blue eyes. Harriet took his hand in hers as the only comfort she could offer.  
  
The two stayed in his office together for most of the day. Harriet had made sure Tiner knew not to interrupt unless it was something really urgent. When he finally did interrupt, the urgency could not be disputed.  
  
"Commander, Lieutenant. The Admiral has to see you both immediately," He said. A look of fear laced his handsome young features. Harriet and Harm stood and made there way to the Admirals office.  
  
Without waiting for either of them to say anything the Admiral began explaining.  
  
"Commander, Lieutenant, you may want to sit. Colonel Mackenzie is currently being airlifted to Bethesda Naval Hospital for immediate surgery. She and a group of military personnel were out at a restaurant this afternoon eating lunch when a group of young men kidnapped the Colonel. It is suspected that she was raped. She was shot in the chest three times before being left in an alleyway. A group of young Petty Officers found her some time later," he informed them. The look of terror on the faces of Harm and Harriet could not be mistaken.  
  
"Is she alright sir?" Harriet asked.  
  
"No Lieutenant, she isn't. One of the bullets penetrated her right lung, and another her aortic valve, in her heart. She is on a respirator and they are monitoring her heart very closely. You two, Roberts, Turner, Coates, Tiner and I will be at the hospital when she arrives. Lieutenant, your dismissed, Commander stay please,' he said. Harriet turned and left the room. Harm hadn't said a word from his seat in front of the Admirals desk.  
  
"I'm sorry Harm. I know this is hard on you," A.J said.  
  
"Why would it be any worse for me than anyone else sir?" He asked dumbly.  
  
"Harm, I know you love her, and have lost far too many people in your life. I only hope for your and her sakes, she pulled through this," He said.  
  
"She will sir. She's a marine," Harm attempted to make a joke, but his efforts were in vain due to the look on his face and the glint in his eyes.  
  
"Dismissed Commander. Go with Bud and Harriet, I don't want you driving," The Admiral ordered.  
  
"Yes sir," Harm said half-heartedly. He turned and left the room and retreated back to the safety of his office until he had to leave. 


End file.
